Thursday, May 22, 2008

Practical Applications of Body Language and Attitude

All theory aside, though, what are the practical applications of using body language to influence your own attitude? Let’s look at a typical example of your body language when you’re feeling really depressed or unhappy. It might look something like this:

*Negative facial expression
*Head down
*Avoid eye contact with others
*Slumped shoulders
*Shuffling or dragging feet

Okay, let’s look at a typical example of your body language when you’re feeling really confident and happy. It might look something like this:

*Neutral or positive facial expression
*Head up
*Frequent eye contact with others
*Shoulders back and body upright

A light or even a bit bouncy step If these lists don’t describe your own individual non-verbal behaviours then feel free to adjust them as needed so they feel right for you.

Now comes the fun part. Adjust your body language so it matches your typical unhappy behaviours. Walk around the house that way for ten or fifteen minutes, or if you’re really brave, walk around the local mall or other public space that way. How do you feel? What do you notice about your attitude?

The next step is to adjust your body language so it matches your typical happy behaviours. Go through the same process as before, again noting how you feel and what you notice about your attitude.

What Happened?

Chances are you noticed just how much your attitude changed to match your body language, and this is exactly what is expected. It is also exactly why you can truly change your attitude anytime you want just by changing your body language.

Remember, just as your body language sends powerful messages to those around you it also sends powerful messages to your own brain, which in turn influences your attitude. Think of it as a form of self-talk; if you say positive things to yourself you’re more likely to start believing those positive things. The same holds true for your body language and what it says to you.

In addition to the effect of your own positive body language, you’ll also notice changes in your interactions with those around you. The more positive and welcoming your body language, the more you’ll find other people are pleasant with you in turn. This cycle continues over and over, with your attitude becoming better and better as the feedback you receive (from yourself and from others) improves.

Gender Differences
Body Language Differences Between Men and Women
Changing Gender Roles
Gender Differences and Personal Interaction
Gender Differences in Sending and Receiving
Gender Differences in the Business World
Society's Expectations for Men and Women
Parenting Advice
Body Language and Parenting
Grandparents and Grandchildren
Newborns and Infants and Body Language
The Body Language of Your Teenager
The Language of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers
Your Body Language Influences Your Children
Personal Interaction
Body Language Affecting Personal Interactions
Body Language and Dishonesty
Body Language and First Impressions
Body Language and Personal Space
Body Language and Proxemics
Body Language in Different Personal Interactions
Body Language, Personal Interaction and Context
Conveying Sincerity, Familiarity, and Warmth
Dealing With a Violation of your Personal Space
Decoding Body Language in Intimate Relationships
Gender Differences and Personal Interaction
Involuntary Body Movement
Using Body Language to Deal with Difficult People
Practical Applications
Basic Body Language and Communication
Body Language to Convey Status, Hierarchy or Dominance
Body Language, Office Politics and Getting Ahead
Change Your Body Language, Change Your Attitude
Dating and Body Language
Diplomacy and the Role of Body Language
Enhancing Body Language in the Business World
The Basics
Body Language Across Cultures
How Body Language Influences Daily Life
Interpreting Body Language
Key Elements of Body Language
Practical Applications of Body Language
The Body and The Eyes: How Much Do They Tell Us?
The Psychology of Body Language
The Role of Body Language in Communication
The Science of Body Language
Using Body Language to Influence Others
Why Care About Body Language?
The Business World
Body Language and Common Business Situations
Body Language and the Interview Process
Business Cultures and Body Language
Enhancing Body Language in the Business World
Gender Differences in the Business World
Interviewing for a Job
Self Assessment and Body Language at Work
Using Body Language in Customer Service
What Role Does Body Language Play at Work?
Site Information

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Body Language
18 ways to improve your body language

Published October 27th, 2006 in Personal Development and People Skills.

Continuing from the previous post 6 reasons to improve your body language, here is just a few of many pointers on how to improve your body language. Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.

There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.

First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.

Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.

You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.

Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.

In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.

1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep you head up - Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
17. Mirror - Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.

You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.

Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.