Etiquette
25 Simple Etiquette Tips
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www.LifeScript.com
Teach Children Etiquette
Hands-on Train the Trainer Program Materials, methods, certification
www.theamericanschoolofprotocol.com
Etiquette
Get Answers On Table Manners & Party Etiquette On Ask.com.
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Proper Dinner Etiquette
Are You Rude? Find out the Verdict in Good Housekeeping. Read It Now.
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Thursday, June 26, 2008
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Is Your Body Betraying You In Job Interviews?
NEW YORK - On paper, the applicant looked like a strong candidate for chief financial officer: graduate of a top business school, solid work history and top-notch references. But at the initial interview with a major Midwestern headhunter, the candidate offered a dead-fish handshake, slouched and fidgeted in his chair, failed to make eye contact with the interviewer and mumbled responses to basic questions.
Was he unprepared for the interview or just nervous because so much was on the line? It made no difference--his weak body language killed his chances despite strong credentials.
"It was a horrifying encounter," says Scott W. Simmons, vice president at Crist Associates, an executive-placement agency in Chicago. "He wasn't a presentable candidate and didn't make it to the next round. He had a strong background, but after the interview, I'm not sure how he made it as far up the corporate ladder as he did. I just couldn't see him as a CFO, the position we were seeking to fill."
A strong cover letter and resume will get you an interview for that dream job, but you can easily kill your chances with weak body language. Presentation sets you apart from other applicants in a competitive situation (see: "Dressing For The Job"). Remember, if you got the interview, the prospective employer thinks you can do the job. The interview is your opportunity to convince the employer that you're the best candidate (see: "Hitting A Job Interview Home Run").
Many people polish their verbal skills for an interview, but few give much consideration to their body language, and that's a mistake (see: "Catastrophic Job Hunting Flubs").
"When you walk into a job interview, the first impression is made in three to seven seconds," says Mary Dawn Arden, an executive coach and president of Arden Associates in New York. "One study found that a first impression is based on 7% spoken words, 38% tone of voice and 55% body language."
A bad first impression is difficult to overcome, no matter how solid your credentials. But with a little work and practice, you can buff up your body language skills to boost your chances of nailing the interview and taking the next big step in your career.
To see and hear yourself as others see and hear you, Arden recommends practicing your presentation in front of a mirror while speaking into a tape recorder.
"No one can fault you for being too formal in an interview," Arden says. "But being sloppy, or even too casual, will kill your prospects."
Pay attention to little things, like posture, sitting up straight, planting your feet squarely on the floor, hand position and making eye contact with the interviewer.
There's no dictionary for body language, and it's impossible to say this or that gesture means X, Y or Z. But in general, here's how some basic body language will be perceived:
-- Arms folded across your chest is often seen as a defensive posture or, at best, as reserved and uninterested in the conversation.
-- Standing with your hands in your pockets suggests a lack of confidence or unease.
-- Sitting with legs crossed while shaking one leg or wiggling a foot suggests nervousness or severe discomfort.
-- Staring blankly at the floor suggests a profound lack of interest in the conversation.
-- Rubbing or touching your nose during a response suggests that you're not being completely honest.
-- Rubbing the back of your head or neck suggests you're bored by the conversation.
-- Pointing your feet toward the door or leaning in that direction suggests that you want to end the conversation quickly and flee--perhaps in a panic.
-- Slouching in the chair suggests you're unprepared for the interview, or that, deep in your heart, you know you're not up to the task.
None of this is carved in granite--you may rub your nose simply because it itches. But simple actions may betray your inner thoughts. You don't want to test how these seemingly innocuous actions will be interpreted in an interview, so it's best to avoid them.
"You want to project confidence--not arrogance," Arden says. "Arrogance is the antithesis of confidence and shows a profound lack of self-confidence."
At the interview, always grasp the interviewer's hand firmly and look him straight in the eye when introduced. Thank the interviewer for taking the time to talk. Never sit down before the interviewer, and don't throw yourself in the chair like a teenager preparing to sink into a vegetative state in front of the TV.
In most cases, there will be a desk or a table between you and the interviewer that will establish a safe "personal space." If not, don't get too close--18 inches is about the lower limit, and two or three feet will be more comfortable for most people.
When responding to a question, speak directly to the person who asked it. If there are several people at the interview, glance briefly at them, but always return to the questioner before ending your response.
No one expects you to sit ramrod straight, but you need to sit up to project an image of alertness and interest in the interview.
"Use hand gestures for emphasis," Arden says. "You're not a cheerleader, and you don't want to fidget unconsciously. This is why it's important to practice before a mirror."
Reflect the interviewer's body language, but don't mimic it. Underscore your seriousness, interest and confidence by making eye contact, cocking your head to catch questions and smiling. But don't follow the interviewer's every twitch, jiggle and jump with a twitch, jiggle and jump of your own, because that quickly degenerates into self-parody, and what you hope to project as earnestness becomes twaddle.
If the interviewer leans back in his chair, clasps his hands behind his head and smiles, that's probably a look of condescension. If he's drumming his fingers on the desk, he's probably bored.
If the interview is interrupted by a phone call, busy yourself with papers in your briefcase and restart the discussion by asking something like, "Do you agree with the way I handled the billing situation?" or simply, "To get back to your question...." This will refocus the conversation and flatter the interviewer by asking for an opinion, while restarting the conversation without a hitch.
Most interviewers hold all calls when meeting with applicants, but a few ask the secretary to call simply to see how you'll handle the interruption. If the interviewer takes a phone call, don't get angry. Motion to the interviewer that you're willing to leave if the call is important. If the interviewer shakes his head no, busy yourself with personal papers to create a sense of privacy.
These basic techniques will work for privately held companies and major corporations, such as Exxon Mobil, Microsoft, Intel, Wells Fargo and JetBlue.
Finally, keep your comments on a professional level. Can the jargon and computer analogies, and don't sound like a junior high school kid who's just discovered naughty words.
"I had another candidate who dropped 'f-bombs' and other swear words left and right during an interview," Simmons said. "He was in his mid-40s and had served as a chief operating officer for a financial-services company, so he should have known better. His language made no sense and killed his chances."
© Copyright 2003 Scott Reeves. All rights reserved.
Scott Reeves is a Personal Finance Editor at Forbes.com.
NEW YORK - On paper, the applicant looked like a strong candidate for chief financial officer: graduate of a top business school, solid work history and top-notch references. But at the initial interview with a major Midwestern headhunter, the candidate offered a dead-fish handshake, slouched and fidgeted in his chair, failed to make eye contact with the interviewer and mumbled responses to basic questions.
Was he unprepared for the interview or just nervous because so much was on the line? It made no difference--his weak body language killed his chances despite strong credentials.
"It was a horrifying encounter," says Scott W. Simmons, vice president at Crist Associates, an executive-placement agency in Chicago. "He wasn't a presentable candidate and didn't make it to the next round. He had a strong background, but after the interview, I'm not sure how he made it as far up the corporate ladder as he did. I just couldn't see him as a CFO, the position we were seeking to fill."
A strong cover letter and resume will get you an interview for that dream job, but you can easily kill your chances with weak body language. Presentation sets you apart from other applicants in a competitive situation (see: "Dressing For The Job"). Remember, if you got the interview, the prospective employer thinks you can do the job. The interview is your opportunity to convince the employer that you're the best candidate (see: "Hitting A Job Interview Home Run").
Many people polish their verbal skills for an interview, but few give much consideration to their body language, and that's a mistake (see: "Catastrophic Job Hunting Flubs").
"When you walk into a job interview, the first impression is made in three to seven seconds," says Mary Dawn Arden, an executive coach and president of Arden Associates in New York. "One study found that a first impression is based on 7% spoken words, 38% tone of voice and 55% body language."
A bad first impression is difficult to overcome, no matter how solid your credentials. But with a little work and practice, you can buff up your body language skills to boost your chances of nailing the interview and taking the next big step in your career.
To see and hear yourself as others see and hear you, Arden recommends practicing your presentation in front of a mirror while speaking into a tape recorder.
"No one can fault you for being too formal in an interview," Arden says. "But being sloppy, or even too casual, will kill your prospects."
Pay attention to little things, like posture, sitting up straight, planting your feet squarely on the floor, hand position and making eye contact with the interviewer.
There's no dictionary for body language, and it's impossible to say this or that gesture means X, Y or Z. But in general, here's how some basic body language will be perceived:
-- Arms folded across your chest is often seen as a defensive posture or, at best, as reserved and uninterested in the conversation.
-- Standing with your hands in your pockets suggests a lack of confidence or unease.
-- Sitting with legs crossed while shaking one leg or wiggling a foot suggests nervousness or severe discomfort.
-- Staring blankly at the floor suggests a profound lack of interest in the conversation.
-- Rubbing or touching your nose during a response suggests that you're not being completely honest.
-- Rubbing the back of your head or neck suggests you're bored by the conversation.
-- Pointing your feet toward the door or leaning in that direction suggests that you want to end the conversation quickly and flee--perhaps in a panic.
-- Slouching in the chair suggests you're unprepared for the interview, or that, deep in your heart, you know you're not up to the task.
None of this is carved in granite--you may rub your nose simply because it itches. But simple actions may betray your inner thoughts. You don't want to test how these seemingly innocuous actions will be interpreted in an interview, so it's best to avoid them.
"You want to project confidence--not arrogance," Arden says. "Arrogance is the antithesis of confidence and shows a profound lack of self-confidence."
At the interview, always grasp the interviewer's hand firmly and look him straight in the eye when introduced. Thank the interviewer for taking the time to talk. Never sit down before the interviewer, and don't throw yourself in the chair like a teenager preparing to sink into a vegetative state in front of the TV.
In most cases, there will be a desk or a table between you and the interviewer that will establish a safe "personal space." If not, don't get too close--18 inches is about the lower limit, and two or three feet will be more comfortable for most people.
When responding to a question, speak directly to the person who asked it. If there are several people at the interview, glance briefly at them, but always return to the questioner before ending your response.
No one expects you to sit ramrod straight, but you need to sit up to project an image of alertness and interest in the interview.
"Use hand gestures for emphasis," Arden says. "You're not a cheerleader, and you don't want to fidget unconsciously. This is why it's important to practice before a mirror."
Reflect the interviewer's body language, but don't mimic it. Underscore your seriousness, interest and confidence by making eye contact, cocking your head to catch questions and smiling. But don't follow the interviewer's every twitch, jiggle and jump with a twitch, jiggle and jump of your own, because that quickly degenerates into self-parody, and what you hope to project as earnestness becomes twaddle.
If the interviewer leans back in his chair, clasps his hands behind his head and smiles, that's probably a look of condescension. If he's drumming his fingers on the desk, he's probably bored.
If the interview is interrupted by a phone call, busy yourself with papers in your briefcase and restart the discussion by asking something like, "Do you agree with the way I handled the billing situation?" or simply, "To get back to your question...." This will refocus the conversation and flatter the interviewer by asking for an opinion, while restarting the conversation without a hitch.
Most interviewers hold all calls when meeting with applicants, but a few ask the secretary to call simply to see how you'll handle the interruption. If the interviewer takes a phone call, don't get angry. Motion to the interviewer that you're willing to leave if the call is important. If the interviewer shakes his head no, busy yourself with personal papers to create a sense of privacy.
These basic techniques will work for privately held companies and major corporations, such as Exxon Mobil, Microsoft, Intel, Wells Fargo and JetBlue.
Finally, keep your comments on a professional level. Can the jargon and computer analogies, and don't sound like a junior high school kid who's just discovered naughty words.
"I had another candidate who dropped 'f-bombs' and other swear words left and right during an interview," Simmons said. "He was in his mid-40s and had served as a chief operating officer for a financial-services company, so he should have known better. His language made no sense and killed his chances."
© Copyright 2003 Scott Reeves. All rights reserved.
Scott Reeves is a Personal Finance Editor at Forbes.com.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Signs of Deception:
Body Language of Lies:
• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.
• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.
• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.
Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.
• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.
• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”
• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.
Interactions and Reactions
• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.
Verbal Context and Content
• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”
•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”
• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In otherwords, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.
Other signs of a lie:
• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.
• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.
Final Notes:
Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.
Eye Direction and Lying
Eye Movement and Direction and How it Can Reveal the Truth or a Lie --------------------------------
This is a continuation of our previous article " Detecting Lies". Many comments by our visitors have asked about how eye direction can indicate the presence of a lie.
So can the direction a person's eyes reveal whether or not they are making a truthful statement? Short answer: sort of. But, it isn't as simple as some recent television shows or movies make it seem. In these shows a detective will deduce a person is being untruthful simply because they looked to the left or right while making a statement.
In reality, it would be foolish to make such a snap judgment without further investigation... but the technique does have some merit. So, here it is... read, ponder and test it on your friends and family to see how reliable it is for yourself.
Visual Accessing Cues
The first time "Visual Accessing Cues" were discussed (at least to my knowledge), was by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in their book "Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) " From their experiments this is what they found:
When asked a question a "normally organized" right-handed person looks (from your viewpoint, looking at them):
*Up and to the Left Indicates: Visually Constructed Images (Vc)If you asked someone to "Imagine a purple buffalo", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Constructed" a purple buffalo in their mind.
*Up and to the Right Indicates: Visually Remembered Images (Vr)If you asked someone to "What color was the first house you lived in?", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Remembered" the color of their childhood home.
*To the Left Indicates: Auditory Constructed (Ac)If you asked someone to "Try and create the highest the sound of the pitch possible in your head", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Constructed" this this sound that they have never heard of.
*To the Right Indicates: Auditory Remembered (Ar)If you asked someone to "Remember what their mother's voice sounds like ", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Remembered " this sound.
*Down and to the Left Indicates: Feeling / Kinesthetic (F)If you asked someone to "Can you remember the smell of a campfire? ", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they used recalled a smell, feeling, or taste.
*Down and To the Right Indicates: Internal Dialog (Ai)This is the direction of someone eyes as they "talk to themselves".
Body Language of Lies:
• Physical expression will be limited and stiff, with few arm and hand movements. Hand, arm and leg movement are toward their own body the liar takes up less space.
• A person who is lying to you will avoid making eye contact.
• Hands touching their face, throat & mouth. Touching or scratching the nose or behind their ear. Not likely to touch his chest/heart with an open hand.
Emotional Gestures & Contradiction
• Timing and duration of emotional gestures and emotions are off a normal pace. The display of emotion is delayed, stays longer it would naturally, then stops suddenly.
• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words. Example: Someone says "I love it!" when receiving a gift, and then smile after making that statement, rather then at the same time the statement is made.
• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”
• Expressions are limited to mouth movements when someone is faking emotions (like happy, surprised, sad, awe, )instead of the whole face. For example; when someone smiles naturally their whole face is involved: jaw/cheek movement, eyes and forehead push down, etc.
Interactions and Reactions
• A guilty person gets defensive. An innocent person will often go on the offensive.
• A liar is uncomfortable facing his questioner/accuser and may turn his head or body away.
• A liar might unconsciously place objects (book, coffee cup, etc.) between themselves and you.
Verbal Context and Content
• A liar will use your words to make answer a question. When asked, “Did you eat the last cookie?” The liar answers, “No, I did not eat the last cookie.”
•A statement with a contraction is more likely to be truthful: “ I didn't do it” instead of “I did not do it”
• Liars sometimes avoid "lying" by not making direct statements. They imply answers instead of denying something directly.
• The guilty person may speak more than natural, adding unnecessary details to convince you... they are not comfortable with silence or pauses in the conversation.• A liar may leave out pronouns and speak in a monotonous tone. When a truthful statement is made the pronoun is emphasized as much or more than the rest of the words in a statement.
• Words may be garbled and spoken softly, and syntax and grammar may be off. In otherwords, his sentences will likely be muddled rather than emphasized.
Other signs of a lie:
• If you believe someone is lying, then change subject of a conversation quickly, a liar follows along willingly and becomes more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed; an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change in topics and will want to back to the previous subject.
• Using humor or sarcasm to avoid a subject.
Final Notes:
Obviously, just because someone exhibits one or more of these signs does not make them a liar. The above behaviors should be compared to a persons base (normal) behavior whenever possible.
Eye Direction and Lying
Eye Movement and Direction and How it Can Reveal the Truth or a Lie --------------------------------
This is a continuation of our previous article " Detecting Lies". Many comments by our visitors have asked about how eye direction can indicate the presence of a lie.
So can the direction a person's eyes reveal whether or not they are making a truthful statement? Short answer: sort of. But, it isn't as simple as some recent television shows or movies make it seem. In these shows a detective will deduce a person is being untruthful simply because they looked to the left or right while making a statement.
In reality, it would be foolish to make such a snap judgment without further investigation... but the technique does have some merit. So, here it is... read, ponder and test it on your friends and family to see how reliable it is for yourself.
Visual Accessing Cues
The first time "Visual Accessing Cues" were discussed (at least to my knowledge), was by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in their book "Frogs into Princes: Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) " From their experiments this is what they found:
When asked a question a "normally organized" right-handed person looks (from your viewpoint, looking at them):
*Up and to the Left Indicates: Visually Constructed Images (Vc)If you asked someone to "Imagine a purple buffalo", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Constructed" a purple buffalo in their mind.
*Up and to the Right Indicates: Visually Remembered Images (Vr)If you asked someone to "What color was the first house you lived in?", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Visually Remembered" the color of their childhood home.
*To the Left Indicates: Auditory Constructed (Ac)If you asked someone to "Try and create the highest the sound of the pitch possible in your head", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Constructed" this this sound that they have never heard of.
*To the Right Indicates: Auditory Remembered (Ar)If you asked someone to "Remember what their mother's voice sounds like ", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they "Auditorily Remembered " this sound.
*Down and to the Left Indicates: Feeling / Kinesthetic (F)If you asked someone to "Can you remember the smell of a campfire? ", this would be the direction their eyes moved in while thinking about the question as they used recalled a smell, feeling, or taste.
*Down and To the Right Indicates: Internal Dialog (Ai)This is the direction of someone eyes as they "talk to themselves".
Thursday, June 5, 2008
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Do you make these 10 mistakes in a conversation?
7 Habits of Highly Ineffective People
Recommended personal development products
18 ways to improve your body language
How to Improve Your Social Skills
How to double your productivity (series)
Take the Positivity Challenge!
7 ways to move beyond procrastination
Why Some People Almost Always are Successful
How to Make a Great First Impression
9 Mistakes That Can Kill Your Personal Growth
5 Life-Changing Keys to Overcoming Your Fear
Why You Should Write Things Down
16 Practical Tips for Solving Your Problems More Easily
5 Reasons Why You Should Simplify What You Say, and How to Do It
Stephen King´s Top 7 Tips for Becoming a Better Writer
Health (51)
Inspirational Quotes (34)
Lessons I have learned from… (14)
Link Karma (16)
Mindtechnology (6)
One simple lifehack (7)
People Skills (39)
Personal Development (160)
Productivity (50)
Relaxation (35)
Video and Audio (26)
Wealth (40)
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Body Language Signals
What does it mean when ...... ?
The Eyes
Glancing, staring
Blinking, rolling
Eye contact
Looking away
Eye directions
Pupils
The Mouth
Types of smiles
Smile physiology
The Lips
The Head
Position, movement
The hair
The Hands
Position, movement
The handshakes
The Face
Ears
Chin
Adam's apple
Nose
The Arms & Legs
Arms
Legs
Feet
What does it mean when ...... ?
The Eyes
Glancing, staring
Blinking, rolling
Eye contact
Looking away
Eye directions
Pupils
The Mouth
Types of smiles
Smile physiology
The Lips
The Head
Position, movement
The hair
The Hands
Position, movement
The handshakes
The Face
Ears
Chin
Adam's apple
Nose
The Arms & Legs
Arms
Legs
Feet
Thursday, May 22, 2008
Practical Applications of Body Language and Attitude
All theory aside, though, what are the practical applications of using body language to influence your own attitude? Let’s look at a typical example of your body language when you’re feeling really depressed or unhappy. It might look something like this:
*Negative facial expression
*Head down
*Avoid eye contact with others
*Slumped shoulders
*Shuffling or dragging feet
Okay, let’s look at a typical example of your body language when you’re feeling really confident and happy. It might look something like this:
*Neutral or positive facial expression
*Head up
*Frequent eye contact with others
*Shoulders back and body upright
A light or even a bit bouncy step If these lists don’t describe your own individual non-verbal behaviours then feel free to adjust them as needed so they feel right for you.
Now comes the fun part. Adjust your body language so it matches your typical unhappy behaviours. Walk around the house that way for ten or fifteen minutes, or if you’re really brave, walk around the local mall or other public space that way. How do you feel? What do you notice about your attitude?
The next step is to adjust your body language so it matches your typical happy behaviours. Go through the same process as before, again noting how you feel and what you notice about your attitude.
What Happened?
Chances are you noticed just how much your attitude changed to match your body language, and this is exactly what is expected. It is also exactly why you can truly change your attitude anytime you want just by changing your body language.
Remember, just as your body language sends powerful messages to those around you it also sends powerful messages to your own brain, which in turn influences your attitude. Think of it as a form of self-talk; if you say positive things to yourself you’re more likely to start believing those positive things. The same holds true for your body language and what it says to you.
In addition to the effect of your own positive body language, you’ll also notice changes in your interactions with those around you. The more positive and welcoming your body language, the more you’ll find other people are pleasant with you in turn. This cycle continues over and over, with your attitude becoming better and better as the feedback you receive (from yourself and from others) improves.
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Gender Differences and Personal Interaction
Gender Differences in Sending and Receiving
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Body Language and Parenting
Grandparents and Grandchildren
Newborns and Infants and Body Language
The Body Language of Your Teenager
The Language of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers
Your Body Language Influences Your Children
Personal Interaction
Body Language Affecting Personal Interactions
Body Language and Dishonesty
Body Language and First Impressions
Body Language and Personal Space
Body Language and Proxemics
Body Language in Different Personal Interactions
Body Language, Personal Interaction and Context
Conveying Sincerity, Familiarity, and Warmth
Dealing With a Violation of your Personal Space
Decoding Body Language in Intimate Relationships
Gender Differences and Personal Interaction
Involuntary Body Movement
Using Body Language to Deal with Difficult People
Practical Applications
Basic Body Language and Communication
Body Language to Convey Status, Hierarchy or Dominance
Body Language, Office Politics and Getting Ahead
Change Your Body Language, Change Your Attitude
Dating and Body Language
Diplomacy and the Role of Body Language
Enhancing Body Language in the Business World
The Basics
Body Language Across Cultures
How Body Language Influences Daily Life
Interpreting Body Language
Key Elements of Body Language
Practical Applications of Body Language
The Body and The Eyes: How Much Do They Tell Us?
The Psychology of Body Language
The Role of Body Language in Communication
The Science of Body Language
Using Body Language to Influence Others
Why Care About Body Language?
The Business World
Body Language and Common Business Situations
Body Language and the Interview Process
Business Cultures and Body Language
Enhancing Body Language in the Business World
Gender Differences in the Business World
Interviewing for a Job
Self Assessment and Body Language at Work
Using Body Language in Customer Service
What Role Does Body Language Play at Work?
Site Information
All theory aside, though, what are the practical applications of using body language to influence your own attitude? Let’s look at a typical example of your body language when you’re feeling really depressed or unhappy. It might look something like this:
*Negative facial expression
*Head down
*Avoid eye contact with others
*Slumped shoulders
*Shuffling or dragging feet
Okay, let’s look at a typical example of your body language when you’re feeling really confident and happy. It might look something like this:
*Neutral or positive facial expression
*Head up
*Frequent eye contact with others
*Shoulders back and body upright
A light or even a bit bouncy step If these lists don’t describe your own individual non-verbal behaviours then feel free to adjust them as needed so they feel right for you.
Now comes the fun part. Adjust your body language so it matches your typical unhappy behaviours. Walk around the house that way for ten or fifteen minutes, or if you’re really brave, walk around the local mall or other public space that way. How do you feel? What do you notice about your attitude?
The next step is to adjust your body language so it matches your typical happy behaviours. Go through the same process as before, again noting how you feel and what you notice about your attitude.
What Happened?
Chances are you noticed just how much your attitude changed to match your body language, and this is exactly what is expected. It is also exactly why you can truly change your attitude anytime you want just by changing your body language.
Remember, just as your body language sends powerful messages to those around you it also sends powerful messages to your own brain, which in turn influences your attitude. Think of it as a form of self-talk; if you say positive things to yourself you’re more likely to start believing those positive things. The same holds true for your body language and what it says to you.
In addition to the effect of your own positive body language, you’ll also notice changes in your interactions with those around you. The more positive and welcoming your body language, the more you’ll find other people are pleasant with you in turn. This cycle continues over and over, with your attitude becoming better and better as the feedback you receive (from yourself and from others) improves.
Gender Differences
Body Language Differences Between Men and Women
Changing Gender Roles
Gender Differences and Personal Interaction
Gender Differences in Sending and Receiving
Gender Differences in the Business World
Society's Expectations for Men and Women
Parenting Advice
Body Language and Parenting
Grandparents and Grandchildren
Newborns and Infants and Body Language
The Body Language of Your Teenager
The Language of Toddlers and Pre-Schoolers
Your Body Language Influences Your Children
Personal Interaction
Body Language Affecting Personal Interactions
Body Language and Dishonesty
Body Language and First Impressions
Body Language and Personal Space
Body Language and Proxemics
Body Language in Different Personal Interactions
Body Language, Personal Interaction and Context
Conveying Sincerity, Familiarity, and Warmth
Dealing With a Violation of your Personal Space
Decoding Body Language in Intimate Relationships
Gender Differences and Personal Interaction
Involuntary Body Movement
Using Body Language to Deal with Difficult People
Practical Applications
Basic Body Language and Communication
Body Language to Convey Status, Hierarchy or Dominance
Body Language, Office Politics and Getting Ahead
Change Your Body Language, Change Your Attitude
Dating and Body Language
Diplomacy and the Role of Body Language
Enhancing Body Language in the Business World
The Basics
Body Language Across Cultures
How Body Language Influences Daily Life
Interpreting Body Language
Key Elements of Body Language
Practical Applications of Body Language
The Body and The Eyes: How Much Do They Tell Us?
The Psychology of Body Language
The Role of Body Language in Communication
The Science of Body Language
Using Body Language to Influence Others
Why Care About Body Language?
The Business World
Body Language and Common Business Situations
Body Language and the Interview Process
Business Cultures and Body Language
Enhancing Body Language in the Business World
Gender Differences in the Business World
Interviewing for a Job
Self Assessment and Body Language at Work
Using Body Language in Customer Service
What Role Does Body Language Play at Work?
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Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Body Language
18 ways to improve your body language
Published October 27th, 2006 in Personal Development and People Skills.
Continuing from the previous post 6 reasons to improve your body language, here is just a few of many pointers on how to improve your body language. Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.
There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.
Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep you head up - Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
17. Mirror - Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.
You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.
18 ways to improve your body language
Published October 27th, 2006 in Personal Development and People Skills.
Continuing from the previous post 6 reasons to improve your body language, here is just a few of many pointers on how to improve your body language. Improving your body language can make a big difference in your people skills, attractiveness and general mood.
There is no specific advice on how to use your body language. What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to. You’ll probably want to use your body language differently when talking to your boss compared to when you talk to a girl/guy you’re interested in. These are some common interpretations of body language and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your body language you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror. Yeah, it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will give you good feedback on how you look to other people and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the world.
Another tip is to close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too. If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to exaggerate your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. That’s ok. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are worrying about their own problems. Just play around a bit, practice and monitor yourself to find a comfortable balance.
1. Don’t cross your arms or legs – You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
2. Have eye contact, but don’t stare – If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure. If you are not used to keeping eye-contact it might feel a little hard or scary in the beginning but keep working on it and you’ll get used to it.
3. Don’t be afraid to take up some space – Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
4. Relax your shoulders – When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
5. Nod when they are talking – nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it and peck like Woody Woodpecker.
6. Don’t slouch, sit up straight – but in a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
7. Lean, but not too much – If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking. If you want to show that you’re confident in yourself and relaxed lean back a bit. But don’t lean in too much or you might seem needy and desperate for some approval. Or lean back too much or you might seem arrogant and distant.
8. Smile and laugh – lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously. Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person. But don’t be the first to laugh at your own jokes, it makes you seem nervous and needy. Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
9. Don’t touch your face – it might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
10. Keep you head up - Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
11. Slow down a bit – this goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed. If someone addresses you, don’t snap you’re neck in their direction, turn it a bit more slowly instead.
12. Don’t fidget – try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Declutter your movements if you are all over the place. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
13. Use your hands more confidently – instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting. And don’t let your hands flail around, use them with some control.
14. Lower your drink – don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
15. Realise where you spine ends – many people (including me until recently) might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. However, they might think that the spine ends where the neck begins and therefore crane the neck forward in a Montgomery Burns-pose. Your spine ends in the back of your head. Keep you whole spine straight and aligned for better posture.
16. Don’t stand too close –one of the things we learned from Seinfeld is that everybody gets weirded out by a close-talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
17. Mirror - Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit. To make the connection better you can try a bit of proactive mirroring. If he leans forward, you might lean forward. If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language. Then weirdness will ensue.
18. Keep a good attitude – last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference. For information on how make yourself feel better read 10 ways to change how you feel and for relaxation try A very simple way to feel relaxed for 24 hours.
You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.
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