Dining and Table Manner Basics

Spaghetti Eating
You don't have to use the spoon. The spoon is there to help you wind the pasta onto your fork. Twirl the pasta with a fork either by rolling it around in the spoon or just use the fork alone, keeping the fork tip in contact with the plate.You wouldn't think that there would be a controversy about how to eat spaghetti. But, some are of the opinion that a spoon should not used and using a spoon is frowned upon in Italy. Some also feel that cutting spaghetti into small bite-sized pieces is not proper. However, it should be fine to cut the strands to shorten slightly before twirling.Slurping pasta is the only method that is never proper.The following links have opinions by others: www.deliciousitaly.com and http://www.fineliving.com/

Passing Dishes
When asked to pass a dish of food, it's okay to help yourself to some. While helping yourself, say something like, "I'll help myself to some now so that you won't have to pass it back to me". But, if there's not much left, then don't take the last helping; pass it to the person who requested the dish. Food dishes are passed from left to right (counterclockwise).

All About Napkins
If it was a large napkin, then it should be left folded in half. A small luncheon napkin can be fully opened.If eating properly, food should not be dropping onto one's lap. Napkins are really meant to dab crumbs or food from your mouth.

When leaving the table mid-meal, or between courses, place your napkin on the LEFT side of your plate, not on the chair. The waiter would only take your plate away if it looked like you had eaten all your meal, not because you were absent from the table for a moment.

Napkin rings are not necessary, but are fun ways to dress up a table. There are dozens of ways to display napkins, and it's a matter of personal taste. Napkins can go next to the plate, on the plate, or in a glass. Formal place settings often have the napkin folded to the left of the forks or on the plate.To see examples of many different ways to fold napkins and where to display them, see http://www.serviettes.info/

If you were in a very formal restaurant where waiters are hovering nearby to tend to your every need, then let the waiter pick up the napkin for you. However, if the napkin was within arm's reach and you didn't have to get up to get it, then simply reach down and pick it up.

When finished dining, place the napkin neatly on the table, to the right side of the plate. Do not refold the napkin, but don't leave it crumpled up either.

Napkin etiquette experts say food taken out of the mouth should come out the way it went in. If you used a fork, then gently spit the food back onto the fork. If it's really chewed up and gross, then if you have a tissue, use that to spit into. If you need to get out a piece of fish bone, use your fingers. Napkins are supposed to be used to dab the corners of the mouth, never use it to blow one's nose (which should be done in the restroom). Also, never use it to wipe your face.

Although commonly seen in restaurants, applying lipstick at the dinner table is not proper etiquette. But, if you did it discretely, and took just a few seconds, then no harm was done. It's best that lipstick, face powder, blowing one's nose, teeth picking, or hair fussing should be performed in the privacy of a restroom.

Gristle is also deposited back onto the fork and placed at the edge of the plate. Done discretely, no one will notice the gristle removal nor the location of its deposit. Any food removed from the mouth is taken out the same way it was put in.

Chewing anything with the mouth open is not proper etiquette whether at the dinner table or not. Therefore, talking with something in one's mouth is not proper either.

When appetizers are served, everyone should have their own small plate on which to place any dip, chips, crackers, cheese, nuts, etc. That should take care of any double-dipping.

In a very formal restaurant, let the waiter pick it up for you. If it has fallen under the table and the waiter doesn't see it, let him know that you need another utensil. Otherwise, if it's within arm's reach, go ahead and pick it up and place it on the table away from your place settings. Let your waiter know that the utensil had fallen on the floor and that you need a clean one.

Lobster Eating
Unfortunately, eating lobster is messy, and there isn’t a nice and tidy way to crack the shells and remove the meat. In a restaurant, a bib will be provided when having lobster in order to protect your clothing because there will be inadvertent squirting when cracking.

There are two schools of thought about eating lobster. One is to eat the lobster meat immediately after cracking open each piece and the other is to wait until all the meat has been taken out of every piece and laid onto the plate.

If you want to gracefully eat lobster, then the latter is preferred. To elegantly dine on lobster in a nice restaurant, first remove all the meat, clean hands, and use a fork to dip each piece in the butter. For large lobster pieces, cut with a knife as you normally would cut meat. The process of cracking the lobster and removing meat does not take that long, probably about 5 minutes.

Typically, the lobster is cracked in the following order:

1. Claws: twist off the claws, crack the shell with the claw cracker, and remove the meat with the seafood fork. Discard the empty shells in the bowl provided.
2. Flippers: twist the lobster tail from the body. Break off the tail flippers, remove meat, and discard the flippers.
3. Lobster tail: insert a fork into the small end where the flippers had been and push the meat out through the large end. Discard the empty shell.
4. Small legs on body (Optional): if you plan to suck the meat out of the small legs, then break off each leg and place them on your plate. If you do not plan to eat the meat, then leave the legs on and discard with the body. Some prefer to skip the small legs in a restaurant as there is not much meat.
5. Tomalley: in the body, the mushy greenish-gray liver/pancreas should be discarded. Some consider it a delicacy; however, the liver accumulates dioxins and other environmental toxins and pollutants and may not be safe.
6. Roe: if you have a female lobster, you might see red roe or eggs which are considered a delicacy and can be eaten.